Not really a journal entry…
In an ocean of tears I see pools of possibilities. Endless, never ending whirlpools and in each ripple another possible destiny.
I concentrate and try and pick one, as the waters slip through my fingers I see in it my reflection.
Gallows already build. Weathered by humid cave winds, a sign they are not new. Four ropes, thick and writhing like snakes, they beckon us. I watch. I stare. I beg again, but only silence leaves my lips.
First to climb the three wooden steps is Felghanis, trembling with fear I never thought he knew. Next was Domhallun, steadfast and fearless. And then the girl-child Allasiel – emotionless she stares at me.
I thought I would be the last, but I see myself reaching out for the leaver. I pull it and I watch them hang. Their bodies shaking in shock, trembling in a fit for moments that seem like hours… days even. I watch as they die.
I turn to see their ghosts laughing at me, dancing about like demons and devils as they throw more and more wood and twigs upon my pyre. I look down, I am bound to a tremendous tree and all about me wood begins to burn. The flames lick my toes and I scream. My flesh melting from me slowly until my very heart boils and bursts in my chest. I stare again at my bones as they crack and dry and soon turn to ash. My empty skull falls to the floor, melting into the sands to feed the forest once more.
I awaken. Shaking the nightmare from my dreams to be confronted with another. The heavy cell door swings open and a large guard enters, his club slapping against my head I sprawl to the floor, he grabs my hair and tears at my clothes and as I cry out he shoves them in my mouth, binding my arms behind me as he rapes me again and again.
I weep. I cry. I turn to the tear I caught and look for another destiny. Another Fate.